Faithfully Surviving Postpartum with 2 Under 2

Hair loss, memory loss, but still no weight loss....

I'm feeling extremely proud of myself for making it a year with my two girls. I still have my marriage and my job, but that is all attributed to my faith.

To be honest, when I first found out I would be having two children only 13 months apart, I had no idea how I'd survive. When I layed down the night I took the pregnancy test and anxiety coursed through my body. I had no idea how I would get to sleep. It was in that moment that I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me very clearly and He said to me, " Branisha, this is my child, and just like I take care of you, I will take care for this child. I'm allowing you to be apart of the plan I have for their life but there is no need to worry." As I heard these words my heart rate began to slow down and I took a deep breath. It was a test to trust in the Lord where I could not see. He said he would be a light unto my path and a lamp unto my feet ( psalm 119:105 ) and I needed to trust that. Since that encounter with the Lord, I have done my best to walk out that scripture. Struggling through depression in pregnancy a second time around wasn't easy but what became even more difficult was trying to manage two small girls looking at me to be their example this past year. Mom guilt tries to set in, even now as I write, there's a silent pulling from all the messes and responsibilites that need to be attended to, the laundry that needs to be done and the dinner that needs to be cooked. Finding time to spend with Jesus is often the coin toss between refueling myself or spending the time to "maybe" get in front of something that constantly needs my attention within my home. Date nights are far and few in between and late night pillow talks become a snoring competition.

Never would I have thought in my wildest dreams that this would become my reality. My raw emotion towards it all is pure joy.

Consider it pure joy , my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1: 2- 4 NIV

Never in my life have I felt more tested. The trial that I faced the most was the one in my mind. Mental health in marriage, motherhood, and ministry is an uphill battle meant to refine the woman graced to bear the cross. As there is opportunity to persevere while yolked to Jesus is the real reward. The intimacy with my heavenly father as I get a birds eye view on the beauty that my life produces connected to the vine is the ultimate satisfaction. It is not pretty and it is very hard but also so worth it.

I feel so tired but so blessed as I celebrate this new milestone and I look forward to many more moments of reflection throughout this journey with Jesus.

If you read to the end thank you! I love you dearly. Let me know your thoughts, encouragements or questions! and if your like to be notified when inspiration strikes and I post, leave your email :)